D is out for a coworker's birthday celebration this evening. So right now, it's just me and my thoughts and the soft weight of one of the foster kitties against the backs of my knees. Both of our guests got adopted last week, and the new parents plan to pick them up tomorrow. I'm glad -- it happens to be convenient that the cats are going, given our uncertain travel plans, but it's also wonderful to know they'll be in loving hands, even if I'm losing their companionship.
Speaking of company, I'm grateful for the kind words so many of you have left here in the last few days. I know the blogosphere's been extra busy of late, so it means even more that you've stopped by. Thank you -- I can't say it enough.
This week and most of the last has been a lot of going through the motions -- waiting and trying not to think about the inevitable. My mother's family has decided to transfer my grandmother to palliative care, which means there will be no more trips to the hospital. We've had word that my grandmother is still eating, but only minuscule amounts from a syringe, not unlike the kind we've had to use to force-feed sick cats. Swallowing is a challenge.
I've managed to keep working on my thesis, in spite of everything. Just a few fresh pages that have ultimately been whittled down -- my editing eye seems to take over two days out of three. It is slow, but not as slow as I imagine time must feel when it's measured in drops of food.
There's plenty else I'm sure I could do. There are still two curtains that need hemming, and there's laundry. We've got trips, planned ones, coming up very soon, and I ought to take care of the end-of-month bills. And -- wasn't there more? I can't remember. None of it feels important.
But I'll do them, these things and whatever else I happen to think of. Like the sometimes mechanical act of sitting down before this screen, laying fingers on the keys, hoping habit will lead me through the slowdowns of thought that are also inevitable. I'm hoping the mundane will make time feel less present.
Or, like writing, allow me to slip out of the present for a little while.
13 comments:
Oh dear, I just popped into my blog to do an update and saw your entry top of the list and came to say hello. I'm sorry bad things seem to have happened and I'm about to work backwards to find out what they are (although have got a good idea).
((you))
I'm glad the kitties have new homes, and I'm hoping that some of the challenges you're facing abate soon. ((hugs))
Sorry about your grandmother. But that is awesome that the kitties got adopted. And most importantly, even though you have so much on your mind and keeping your hands busy, you are still working on your thesis...that is a big YAY for you!
Hi CT - I hope that your grandmother's move to palliative care helps ease her pain and, eventually, that of your family. Like you, I look to simple, task-oriented routines at upsetting, rudderless times to help keep me going. You and yours will continue to be in my thoughts.
xoxooo
FF -- been thinking about you and that last creative piece you're working on. Heading to your next comment (working backwards) to reply ...
TKW -- they're waiting patiently to be picked up as I type this. By which I mean one is conked out in a kitty bed and the other is head-butting me and the laptop. I know your relationship with Harryboy is more of a detente than a love affair, but methinks laptop kitty over here thinks you're sweet :)
SuziCate -- I agree! I rarely get to give myself a yay about that thesis. So YAY indeed. Thanks for the extra cheer.
Kristen -- thanks for thinking of me and my family. Those routines are comforting, no? An apt description, rudderless.
Glad your foster kitties have new homes :)
Will still be keeping your family in my thoughts. Hang in there!!
I'm just now catching up and so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Good news about the kitties and thesis. You have a lot on your mind at the moment and routine mindless tasks provide a temporary escape. My thoughts are with you and will look for updates.
Never easy to see suffering of old age, more so when juxtaposed with times from before. Sorry about your grandmother.
Despite all that's going on, I hope the soft weight of the kitty outdoes the heavy weight of your thoughts.
Sending you some virtual port and chocolate (or something else if you can't have those) and a light, funny movie.
Corinne -- hangin' I am. A change of scene this weekend will be good, I think. We may have ocean in our near future (not the same one you take pictures of, but its cousin on the opposite coast).
Sherlock -- thanks. Hope you're continuing to mend after that fall!
Anil -- welcome, and thanks for your kind words. It's true; the juxtaposition of better times with the present ones makes my grandmother's suffering particularly painful to witness. More because she is aware of that difference too.
GEW -- I'm going to miss the kitties! They've been good company for the last few weeks. Mmmm, port and chocolate sounds lovely right about now. I think I can get away with a little of the latter (a square or two). Funny movie all queued up as well. Actually, it's a stand-up routine we haven't finished since we keep trying to watch it late at night. After 30 minutes, D and I are both too tired to keep following along, even though the comedian is a hoot. Ever watch any Eddie Izzard?
Slipping out of the present for a bit. Yes. We all need that.
And yes, I think we're a little hungover post-5-4-10. But still here.
Still with you.
CT, I haven't watched Eddie Izzard, but his name has popped up on my radar a couple of times in the past six months. Should I check him out?
And guess what. As of this weekend, we have a permanent kitty residents at our house. Post and pictures to come soon. :)
BLW -- thanks. I knew I wasn't in a frame of mind to join in 5-4-10 this time around, but maybe next year. Pretty amazing event.
GEW -- KITTY! I can't wait to see! I know you've wanted one for a while. So happy about your new addition to the family. As for Eddie Izzard, he's fun. His type of humor is smart -- ironic fast-paced commentaries mixed with pantomime gags. Energetic but not frenetic. He's available on streaming download from Netflix, so if you decide he's not what you care for, you can just stop watching without having to feel like you wasted a disc-mailing cycle :). We're finishing up Glorious at the moment. Dress to Kill was our first try a few months back -- the opening bit that pokes fun at San Francisco and its residents was slightly confusing because we weren't sure if the whole film was going to be just him doing voiceover to shots of the city, but it eventually takes you to a live recording from the stage.
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