It has been a tough week. First off, I think all my recent paper writing has drained the neurons devoted to that particular job, and now they won't do a thing for me. I keep trying to focus only on the next project that's due (about 12 books to synthesize into 15 pages of interpretation and analysis on the history of footbinding in China by April 30th), but I think my brain knows I'm hiding the not-so-pretty big picture from it (one more term paper, two final exams) and it's putting its foot down. (What would that look like? A cauliflower with an extra long stem, maybe.)
If I can just cycle through these last few rounds, it'll all be over. If I can just. I say this a lot these days.
I also woke up to an earthquake yesterday morning. And if you were anywhere within 400 miles of West Salem, Illinois, you probably did too. Some reports say tremors were felt all the way up in southern Ontario.
The most bizarre part of the whole experience was emerging out of a dead sleep to the feeling of being suddenly cut adrift. It was as if my room had been relocated to some giant oceanliner, and its entire mass was being buffeted by rolling waves. The building and its contents moved as one, so there was no furniture sliding across the floor as in the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz. Everything just rose and fell together around the stretching of the earth. The mirror propped up against the wall next to my bed was creaking at fast, regular intervals -- that was how I knew I wasn't dreaming or just having a strange bout of vertigo.
Once I really became aware of what was happening, I froze. I know you're supposed to go stand in a doorway, but I was so unnerved that I couldn't move. Perhaps this is a sign that I need to build more stability into my life. For all the talk about taking one obstacle at a time, there's something to be said for having a clear vision of the big picture too, if it's reassuring. Being with D again is what I want the future to show. In the nearer version of it, he's not there.
Hopefully, looking for a house this summer will bring a large piece of that picture into focus. Given what we just had to pay in taxes, though, will we really have enough for a downpayment? Will we be able to find something we like that we can actually afford? Again, these are concerns for a later date. I'm just looking forward to the time when I can hold them front and center before me, when nothing else is left to be taken care of first.
1 day ago