I knew today was off to a slow start when we realized we'd put dirty dishes in among the clean ones in the dishwasher.Not that it takes much effort to add more detergent and run the machine again. It's the drying that frustrates me. The whole thing is set to perform that convenient little function so I don't have to towel everything off, but inevitably, when the door opens, all the plastics (mostly food packaging we've saved from the garbage for storing leftovers -- margarine and yogurt tubs, peanut butter jars) are still beaded with moisture, dripping onto everything else. So you have to let it all air dry. I try to run the machine right after dinner and then pull the racks out before bedtime so that this can happen overnight. Hence my frustration this morning when I realized I'd have to wait through another evaporation cycle before I could deal with the dirty items crowding the sink and counter.
It's a linear process, which is something that's also true of writing for me. Sunday night, I sent the intro chapter of my thesis to my advisor, the chapter I'd been working on since January. Somewhere in the midst of my February trip, I'd revised that chapter based on her feedback and had sent it to her again. Knowing I needed to keep moving things along (especially since I was still hoping to graduate this spring), I started on the next chapter, or what I thought that would be, based on the context created by the first. The narrator's quest, as my advisor likes to call it, was established in my mind and on those initial pages.
Two weeks later, I got the revision back -- with more questions about what I'd changed than my advisor had had about the original version. The quest? More muddied than it was clarified, she said. In the end, we agreed that much of what I'd added needed to come back out. Which also meant that the next chapter I'd been working on, which referenced key parts of those additions, no longer made any sense.
So I'm sitting here, awaiting news of the revision of the revision while trying to write a new second chapter. I know I should keep going with what's beginning to emerge on the page, should trust that this time I've finally figured out and explained what the quest is. But I'm feeling skittish. Afraid that some time in the near future, I'll get my first chapter draft back with requests for yet another full-scale rewrite.
Meanwhile, my ideas are crowding my brain, in need of processing. I just want to be able to set them, clean and dry, in the places they belong.
Is that so much to ask?
14 comments:
Argh! How frustrating! I'd be feeling a little restless, too!
By the way, we put dirty dishes in with the clean ones all the time.
I think we've got a solution for the dishes, Kitch, but the writing -- ?
D and I are going to get some of those brightly colored chip clips and stick one on each of the racks to indicate things are clean. Or dirty. We haven't decided which one. But you get the idea :)
Oh, how frustrating for you. I wish you the best. I can't even begin to imagine writing something so long and complicated. I am impressed. And I have the same problem with my dishwasher!
Believe me, SuziCate, I didn't imagine doing this either -- learning as I go. I think my writing temperament makes me better suited to shorter forms, but there is something satisfying about sustaining the work across a larger arc. It'll be a milestone if I can get there.
I feel you pain! I truly do! And dirty mixed with clean? At least you don't put away the dirty dishes like we do in this house!
Ha! We've totally done that, Jane! I think an entire drawer of forks, spoons, and knives had to be ADDED to the dishwasher as a result ...
I so admire you CT - you've been plugging away at this for so long and it's ever so hard to keep momentum when doing it at home on your own (I'm like a mini version of you at a much lower academic level). The thing is - are you so sure your adviser is correct? Do you ever think you'd be better going along with your original draft? Sorry to muddy the waters but you seem so clever and you write so well that I can't imagine you would often need to rewrite something.
As for the dishwasher thing - it's mainly me that stacks it as I go along so this problem doesn't happen.I've sort of got the traditional woman's role in our house - something that still amazes us (I was quite a dynamic career woman in London when we first met).
You're right about momentum, FF (and I know you know what it is to be a student away from an actual campus -- not easy)! I've been trying to maintain the habit of writing for a two-hour block most days of the week. Then there's at least a regular, dedicated time during which words make their way onto the page. At the end of the day, I can say I tried, even if there isn't a huge amount to show for it. And usually, there's something I'm glad I added or changed ...
You ask a good question (and thank you for your kind words about my writing). This time, my advisor is right. The additions I'd made to the chapter essentially set up the rest of the project to be a different work (the central conflict the narrator was going to have to sort out changed significantly). Since that wasn't what I wanted for the project, it made sense to revise again. It took me the better part of a month to get to that understanding -- I resisted when I first read the feedback, as I didn't realize I was steering things so far off track -- but getting space from what I'd written helped me go back to it with fresher eyes.
As for household roles -- I imagine we're less traditional, but there are still some things that tend to fall along gender lines. Note that I'm the one hemming those curtains ... :)
You must be ready to throw things. Or at least hurl expletives. En français, aussi.
Are you not working from a very detailed outline that your adviser can somehow sign off on? Something that provides the view from 5,000' as well as one that is very focused, at least for several chapters or sections?
I'd be spitting, spitting up, and pacing in circles. Click click click, in my 4" heels.
Funny you should ask, BLW -- this explains a bit why I'm without that detailed outline. I do have a narrative arc in mind now (revised and revised again as this year has progressed), but it deals more with chronology than argument.
As for argument, I think I spent this last semester redefining what this work is really about (I thought I'd done it for the prospectus meeting eleven months ago, but you see what the committee told me to do). Makes you wonder why the meeting occurred at all and why they signed off? Sigh ... it's easy to say it's not a perfect system, but I can't suggest any fixes either. Not yet, anyway.
Even while I wallow with you in your frustration, I marvel at your metaphor of the dishwasher and the possible extensions for life as we know it: dirty mixing with clean; a process coming to an end, but not a satisfying one. The possibilities are endless. Sigh.
Here's hoping that you find a resolution - and soon.
Thanks, Kristen. Kitchen sink philosophy -- it pops up more often than I expect it to!
I feel your pain about dishes and about chapters.
Sending patience vibes your way.
(((CT))))
Thanks, GEW. The latest update: my advisor says she's going to read the new chapter version this weekend. Meanwhile, I have four pages of totally new Chapter 2 making puppy eyes at me: "Please don't delete us! Please!"
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