That was kind of a wash, wasn't it?That's sort of how I feel, looking at it from June. Not that I want to negate the good things that happened (irises, foster placements, and that random rainbow), but seriously, May, you threw some rather unwieldy wrenches into the mix, and I'm beginning to wonder what I have to do to make it stop. I don't think I can deal with another month like that, nor can my family or my marriage. Or, for that matter, my thesis, but that at least can be put on hold -- which is essentially what's happened for the last week, given the new chaos that erupted during that time. The situation's not bloggable yet, but suffice it to say that it's not pretty and will require some time to resolve.
So shape up, okay, 2010? These last few weeks haven't been representing you very well at all.
I've never been a willing roll-with-the-punches kind of girl, but I've done it out of necessity. That strategy is all that seems to be working in the short term these days. It's not sustainable, though. So I'm asking myself, what is?
I've asked that question for a while now, deciding to focus on small efforts, trying to push back without shoving -- because that doesn't work either, not with people, not with life. And I know I'm making mistakes, ones that make me want to give up trying because they cause frustration not only to me but to the people in my life. My husband, my sisters, my parents; the people who know me but don't know what to think of me or do with me in this state of flux as they too struggle with things like May. I'm tired; they're tired. And when I sense they're about to tire out, I back away, afraid they'll say, "Enough! Too much!" -- and leave. Which doesn't exactly help me with the learning process.
Give me the quotidian. Let me work with these challenges first, not the big ones that were May. I know; I don't really get to call these shots and May already happened. But I'm asking -- hell, begging -- whoever is in charge of the universe to cease and desist, or at the very least, dial down the intensity. Because no number of rainbows is going to help me make up the balance if it continues like this.
11 comments:
Le quotidien. Que ce soit si simple. Je le souhaite, pour toi, dans la mesure ou cela reste possible dans un monde compliqué.
Que tout s'arrange, le plus vite possible.
Oh dear CT, yes - there is only so much one can take. I am so sorry that a lot of rubbish is happening to you at the moment. There is nothing to say really - you are a lovely and wonderful person, no matter what anyone tells you. Just remember - everything passes, nothing stays the same for very long. It will get better.
xx
Sending you lots of positive happy things happening vibes for June :)
Down with May! Up with June! Come on 2010, CT deserves a break! xo
I do very much hope that June is far far more relaxing and baby-steppy-y than May!
Aww, jeez. I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time of it, too. I am in full agreement that May sucked the big one. Please, please let June be better behaved?
((big, hard hugs))
Here's to hoping that June is much better!!
BLW -- le quotidien, oui! J'aime beaucoup le mot et l'idée. Merci pour les voeux sincères. Je sais que vous comprenez. "La mesure ou cela reste possible" -- c'est instable, imprévisible. Mais magnifiquement flexible aussi.
FF -- it will, it must! I feel like I need to sound a charge as I'm entering June at the same time that I must tiptoe. Bizarre conflicting sensations, to say the least.
Corinne, Kristen, MW, and Sherlock -- positive vibes rock. Thank you so much. June, you've got some tough women giving you the eye, you hear?
TKW -- hugs in solidarity, girl. Seriously, WHAT was up with May? *Makes rude hand gesture at calendar.* Hope your not-awesome turns into much-more-awesome very, very soon.
I'm am wishing you all kinds of very banal, quotidian challenges for May, like finding the stamps and getting a strawberry stain out of a shirt that you don't really like that much anyway. And, perhaps, hemming some curtains.
The rest of it? Get thee behind our favorite Troubadour!
(((CT)))
I sure hope that June is a much better month than May for you. Sending hugs and happiness your way!
GEW -- I'm giggling at the challenges you've named. No strawberries at our farmer's market yet, but I can't wait. And those curtains! It's the pinning that's holding me up. Must get D to help me with that; it's a two-person job.
SuziCate -- thank you. June's easing up a little on its own, but the wishes from around the blogosphere are helping too.
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